Recently three separate people have told me things about myself that were not a surprise but I didn't think they were actually a problem. I've reflected on these statements and realize they are all true and unless I make a conscience choice to change these little things I may never be a happy fulfilled person.
1- I become friends with the men I date and before I know it that's exactly what we are FRIENDS and nothing more.
In my defense, of course I have to have one or I wouldn't be me, I like men! Not only as partners but as friends. I guess it is hard to separate the two. I understand men better than I understand woman, I also get along with them better then woman.
BUT this is posing a problem because as much as I am friends with the men I date I should be treated as a woman and not a pal. Sadly this happens often. Don't get me wrong, I have made a few wonderful friends over it.
2- Sometimes because I am so independent in my life and strong I take on the burdens of others. I try to save everyone and become their rock.
Okay That's a great quality, right? Well sometimes. I seem to give way much more than I get in relationships and I tend to become resentful. As much as I love helping and being the strength I would really love to have a man turn around and say "No baby, I will take care of it, don't worry." Granted he may get an argument but if he is strong enough and shows me that all will be okay if he does take care of it then maybe I can trust him.
3- I am very cautious and do not allow anyone in. Sometimes...okay well more than sometimes I have been called cold and distant.
This one is very true and as much as I hate to admit it, it is me. I am not cold just protected. I don't like to be vulnerable. More importantly I don't want to hurt any man I am with which I seem to do over and over. So if you keep them at bay no one gets hurt right?.....Nope someone always gets hurt. They are hurt by me because I retreat and become distant even if I care deeply, I am just afraid for the both of us. Again I find this noble but who am I kidding it just keeps me out in the cold.
4- I am not that affectionate and was not brought up in an affectionate home so again I seem cold. I do not mean this ina sexual way. Sexually I am definitely affectionate and extremely giving because pleasing my partner is a huge turn on for me. But in everyday situations, holding hands, hugging, kissing in public.....not me. Again we seem like friends when we are not alone.
I am not this way with all men but I do need to open myself more so I can let the men in that want to treat me as a woman, not their friend, not their lover and not their buddy. I need to allow them to treat me as any other woman would like to be treated. I am way to accepting in being the friend girlfriend! For once in my life I want to allow romance in and see where it takes me. I hope I haven't realized these things too late. We will see, I have began to break down my wall a little and so far I am enjoying being treated like a delicate flower. We will see how long it lasts but I hope it does and maybe just maybe I can change from being the girl everyone depends on to being the loved woman in a man's life.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Serendipity was always a joke or so I thought
Here is a lovely tale and because it is true makes it all the more beautiful:
A woman wakes up on a perfect Summer day not feeling quite the happiest. Woman does some household chores but temptation of the outdoors kept calling her. She leaves to lay in the summer sun for a few hours; trying to sweat out the uneasy feeling that lays in the pit of her stomach. Stressed out job, a bit of family chaos and unfortunately, nothing interesting going on in her love life. A few good men but not anyone she has a deep connection with. She is resolved to not allowing any of this to spoil her day. After a few hours in the heat she packs up and heads for home. She had decided earlier to at least get her items and then lock herself inside for the remainder of the day, so without thinking drives to a nearby store and parks her car.
As she is in the store a man walks by her. She sees him but is barely aware of his presence until they bump into each other again. This time they do linger looking at each other but both are in a rush and the woman is on the phone...of course.
She hangs up her phone call and walks around the store one last time to make sure she had all she came for and not to her surprise, the handsome man was gone.
At the counter as she waits for the cashier, one cashier is ringing up a customer but the customer is not at the register....Ugh no she is getting impatient but still tries to keep her composure. The register right next to the first one opens and she pours all her stuff on the counter and is tapping her foot anxiously to get out, get in her car and go home or to that special place she retreats to when she just doesn't want to hibernate and at that precise moment she did not want to hibernate which she does quite often when feeling this down. She pays and quickly heads for the door. She realizes the handsome man was the customer not at the counter and he was holding the door for her. They enter the parking lot together and go their separate ways. As she drives out of the lot he is waiting for her to chat. They go to a park to sit and talk and an hour turns into 3 hours. They part happily. Her day was saved and after their coversation she realizes so was his. They spent the rest of the night talking on the phone and the next evening together. Things are looking up for the two of them who weren't looking for anything that day but it ended up being one of the best days of their lives because that was the day their eyes and their hearts met.
A woman wakes up on a perfect Summer day not feeling quite the happiest. Woman does some household chores but temptation of the outdoors kept calling her. She leaves to lay in the summer sun for a few hours; trying to sweat out the uneasy feeling that lays in the pit of her stomach. Stressed out job, a bit of family chaos and unfortunately, nothing interesting going on in her love life. A few good men but not anyone she has a deep connection with. She is resolved to not allowing any of this to spoil her day. After a few hours in the heat she packs up and heads for home. She had decided earlier to at least get her items and then lock herself inside for the remainder of the day, so without thinking drives to a nearby store and parks her car.
As she is in the store a man walks by her. She sees him but is barely aware of his presence until they bump into each other again. This time they do linger looking at each other but both are in a rush and the woman is on the phone...of course.
She hangs up her phone call and walks around the store one last time to make sure she had all she came for and not to her surprise, the handsome man was gone.
At the counter as she waits for the cashier, one cashier is ringing up a customer but the customer is not at the register....Ugh no she is getting impatient but still tries to keep her composure. The register right next to the first one opens and she pours all her stuff on the counter and is tapping her foot anxiously to get out, get in her car and go home or to that special place she retreats to when she just doesn't want to hibernate and at that precise moment she did not want to hibernate which she does quite often when feeling this down. She pays and quickly heads for the door. She realizes the handsome man was the customer not at the counter and he was holding the door for her. They enter the parking lot together and go their separate ways. As she drives out of the lot he is waiting for her to chat. They go to a park to sit and talk and an hour turns into 3 hours. They part happily. Her day was saved and after their coversation she realizes so was his. They spent the rest of the night talking on the phone and the next evening together. Things are looking up for the two of them who weren't looking for anything that day but it ended up being one of the best days of their lives because that was the day their eyes and their hearts met.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Just when I thought I was done......I'm not.: So I thought once I wrote the book, "There Once Wa...
Just when I thought I was done......I'm not.: So I thought once I wrote the book, "There Once Wa...: So I thought once I wrote the book, "There Once Was a Boy" and I actually got it published, I figured Whew......I am done. On to the next on...
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