I can take care of myself and anyone else who comes along.

All my life I have been trying to prove to myself and everyone around me that I am Wonder Woman, or pretty damn close. One of my favorite lines that suits my lifestyle just fine is from Grease. It comes from, at least in my eyes, the best and relatable character in the movie, Rizzo. After being ridiculed for possibly being pregnant and having to endure pity from the nauseating angelic character of Sandy, she says. "I can take care of myself and anyone else who comes along." Not my favorite movie but the line rings true to my ears. I have been working since I am 14 years old in various jobs. From babysitting to clothing stores. Anything to make some money. We didn't have much growing up, so if I wanted to go to the movies or get something to eat with my friends, I needed to work. My parents almost never gave me money not because they wouldn't; they didn't have it for such trivial things. I moved out of my parents house when I was barely 20, then took care of a husband and still continued to work. When we had our daughter, I did take a break to stay home with my child but that was short lived. When I divorced, instead of going home to mommy and daddy, I worked two jobs and kept my home and raised my daughter. Thankfully after awhile, I was able to let one of the jobs go. My parents, as most do, got very sick and could no longer take care of themselves so almost four years ago I demanded they come live with me. Now I am one of three girls both are older than me but oh no, I had to take them in. Good going Dee, miserable is not the word to describe my life....But again I can take care of myself and anyone else who comes along. I wish my sisters helped a little more but one is sick as well and wait for it......................
has decided to come live with her baby sister because she no longer can take care of her children and her boyfriend threw her out. YAY ME! It just keeps getting better. I may not be the favorite child in my family but I definitely am the best to take advantage of. That includes boyfriends as well. Funny is seems every needy, insecure poor man in the New York City area finds good hearted Dee. I know these things about myself and unfortunately so does everyone else in my life. So I wonder, who is going to take care of Dee when she can no longer do it. Sure I can say I have a daughter who will take care of me but who am I kidding? Children don't do those things anymore, I would say I may be the last of my kind. (I say that in my head like Gary Oldman in Dracula) Trust me I am not a martyr in any way, I'm no prize and I say that proudly, I am a handful but it would be nice to know that in the future I have someone to take care of Dee. My new man has expressed that he would love to take care of me...That makes Dee very uncomfortable. I can take care of myself and anyone else who comes along has been engraved in my mind for at least 22 years now. I will continue to save my money and hope for a best selling novel then I will hire people to take care of me. So I guess in my own little way I still be taking care of them financially. That makes me happy and sad at the same time. I would love to allow someone to take care of me but like I said before even though I wish for it the whole thought of it makes me uncomfortable.  I wonder what will happen to Dee in the future. If it is anything close to what happened to Rizzo I may be okay. From what I hear she went on to be quite a successful actress. I guess she still takes care of herself and anyone else who comes along, I guess Dee will too.

The End Of My Forty Second Year

So begins my forty third year on this earth. Very dramatic way of saying I turn 42 at the end of this month. Most people like to forget they are actually a year older then they claim. I embrace it and as much as I hate aging, I love growing older. In life experience alone I can honestly say I have lived. Can you? In the forty two years I have lived, I have been a daughter, a sister, a friend, a wife, and a mother. I am still four of those things. I never quite made it as a wife. Maybe I was too young, in fact I know I was too young but I do know I make a great ex wife; ask my ex husband, we are still friends. Well, maybe I did something right.
Maturing as a person is wonderful for obtaining the knowledge of the perfect relationship but actually finding one is torturous. When it comes to relationships I've had many part time relationships and very few full time ones. All by choice, I harbor no regrets in my life. Of course, I have hopes that my perfect man; the one I will grow old with, is very close by. He's out there; he just doesn't know it yet.
Being a good daughter as an adult is alot easier than being a good daughter as a child.  Growing up I definitely wasn't the best kid and for that reason my daughter gets a lot of slack. I forgive easily and ask little of her. All she needs to do is grow up and be honest with me. I never forgot what it was like to be a kid or a teenager. I guess life always comes full circle.
I know all women say being a mother is a blessing and it's the greatest gift. It is but it is also mentally exhausting and beyond frustrating. Especially when your see your child making the same mistakes you did or even worse. As a parent you need to know when to parent, I always come in as a friend first, depending on the level of seriousness; mother and prosecuter come later. It has been working for me so far and I think I am doing a good job. How many mothers can say their teenage daughters like them? I am one of the lucky ones.
I've been a friend and a loyal one to many; sadly I can't say that I've had the same in return. If I call you a friend I hold you in high regard, if I am not treated the same way I do not consider you a true friend. We may still be friendly but we would never be friends. I have come across many people who never seem to grasp the concept of what a friend really is. Friends are not people who need to be in your life. They aren't family and they aren't paid to be there. Well ideally they aren't paid. Friends aren't easily made it takes respect and understanding,  Patience and forgiveness but most all for true friendship loyalty and trust surpass all other qualities. A friend is the only person you can depend on to tell you the ugly truths and they love you anyway. I have few true friends but the ones I do have I can trust with my life, my child, my money and my reputation. I hope you can say the same.
So I begin my forty third year happily and I will do so among my family, my friends, my beautiful child and a new and hopefully my last love.