The Art of Chivalry....is dead.

The Art of Chivalry...hmmm. In this day and age dare I say the art of chivalry is dead. Of course it is!! No need to completely blame this one on men. I think it is more our fault than it is theirs. I am one of those women who doesn't need a man. I can pay my own bills, alone. I can paint my house, alone. I can travel, alone. I can raise my daughter, alone. Take care of my mother, alone. Yes I am the epitome of the modern woman of the 21st century. Yet something is missing. Where is my knight in shining armor? Did I scare him away not behaving as a damsel in distress? I want to be whisked away and taken care of. There is a certain security with that thought. Everything will be alright as long as I have my strong man beside me, who I trust to help me through life's misery. Men today expect their woman to be their own men...Confused? I am too. This is where some men might be offended. There was a time, not very long ago that men took on the roles of the master of the house. Granted in todays economy both parties have to work. I accept that but where is the chivalry? My grandmother and poppy were the sweetest couple to ever wed. My Poppy was the master of his house and my grandmother was his queen. He drove her around the corner to do laundry, and did all the shopping and most of the cooking. She wasn't a very good cook and in an Italian family the better cook is the chef. She was a mean old cranky bitch but never to him. I never heard of them fighting, in fact, my mother insisted they never had an argument. We know there are women who demand to be taken care of and degrades her man the end result, is a resentful distrusting man who feels under appreciated. That man is now useless, he will go on to treat all women as if they were greedy spoiled bitches. These are the opportunist women who have ruined it all for the women who want their King. Where are the days of wine and roses? Of holding hands and kissing under a full  moon? If my man wanted to take care of me and said "Baby, you stay home and write another book. I will take care of everything." I would cook for him, I would clean for us, I would run errands. All these things I would do out of love. I would hope he was taking care of me for the same reason. If I were treated the same way my grandmother was treated. I would be my Kings Queen and he can be his own man. I don't want the role of being the man and I shouldn't have to play it. Men are not men anymore, we women have emasculated them to being toys and playthings. We act like there are thousands at our disposal when real men are a dwindling species. We hold them with no regard and get angry when we are treated the same exact way we treat them. I am a lady and would love to be treated that way. There should never be conditions in any relationship. We do for each other out of respect and affection. Love is a two way street and I want to be on the same side and going in the same direction as the one I love.

What you see isn't necessarily what you are

Recently my daughter has been having body image issues. Wow...not to be in denial and say my daughter is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever encountered, she really is. She is one of the girls you hated in high school. Tall, lean, perfect skin, stunning blue eyes, long flowing hair and charming as hell. As women we understand that when you are attractive you automatically have a stigma against you. All the men want you, your girlfriends are jealous, afraid you will steal their man and love to degrade you. It's the life you lead. Beautiful people have it hard, I know so many that are the most insecure people in the world; it comes with the territory. Now I don't, nor never have come close to the beauty that is bestowed upon my child but yes I have suffered through this as well. I am unapproachable and men recoil. Women do hate me for no good reason and I have accepted it. Thank God my best friend is male. He's happy I'm attractive. If he isn't with his stunning girlfriend at least he can hang out with someone else who is close to that class. Do I like what I see in my mirror?....No. Never have. But I am okay with it. My daughter is 14 and looks 20 which again just makes me look like a hag when we are out in public but we must pass that torch eventually. Physical beauty is wonderful but it isn't everything, it's hard to explain this to a child. So I had to use a friend, well not a friend anymore but I used her as an example. She is stunning, exotic, dark, amazing body and on the outside a sweet loving girl. All those things are superficial. She is the ugliest person we know. She is a lying, manipulative, cunning, opportunist and when you really know her, all that shows through. As a mother I want my child to be secure with herself so I showed my own self loathing and she was horrified. She couldn't understand this. The mother she knows is confident, strong and almost never without an opportunity to have a man in her life. At my age I still dress as if I were a younger woman. I can still get a way with it....well at least for a few more years. In fact my daughter borrows my clothes...I think they are too old for her but they are too young for me...it balances out. We discussed being interesting on the inside. At this point in her life she doesn't feel she has any redeeming qualities. I told her, "Well at 14 you have only really been aware of your being for about 8years. So it takes time to figure out who you are and where you want to be. Shit it took me 30 years to be okay with what I see in the mirror everyday." At the age of 14 I knew I wanted to be a writer. This is my favorite quality in myself. I am a published author and couldn't be happier. I am also loyal, trustworthy, kind and extremely honest. The honest thing sometimes causes issues but I believe in the truth even if it hurts. One trait that has taken me years to perfect is my ability to put myself in other peoples shoes when confronted with a situation. Even if it hurts me I can always see the other side. It is logical and in the end I am a happier person. I try not to tell my child it's hormones, they don't want to hear that but I can tell her that at 14 I was just as miserable if not more. I didn't possess the same physical attributes she has, so it was much more difficult for me. Coupled with the fact I was poor as shit and ashamed for most of my childhood. I hope I have gotten through to her for the time being. Until then she can change her hair color every month, wear outrageous clothing and sulk. it's the pain of growing up beautiful, I hope she finds herself and not just in the refection she sees staring back at her.

Reflections: Catching Feelings?

Reflections: Catching Feelings?: Either I am getting old or some of the things people say are just ridiculous! Catching feelings is the new expression for unattached people ...

Catching Feelings?

Either I am getting old or some of the things people say are just ridiculous! Catching feelings is the new expression for unattached people who are fucking around with their friends with benefits and begin to actually like them. Once again, I do need to state I don't believe in the friends with benefits thing. If I am having sex with you, I don't want to know I am not the only one in your life; even if I know I am not. Yes, I am a rare bird where I want to be lied to. I would respect you as well, as far as you are concerned you are the only man in my life. It is the way it should be. I think we all come to a point in our lives where  meaningless sex lives could never outweigh a real relationship. Most men just fear it and women fear that the men are afraid so they never approach the subject. I am very upfront about the Friends with benefits thing: If you are my friend then we don't have sex...You can date me, be my lover and treat me like the spectacular woman that I am but we are not, nor will we ever be, friends.
This is the problem I have with society. We have become so demoralized, most do not care about each others feelings, well at least for those that "catch them". Catch them? I guess we have resorted back to the cootie stage of our childhood; feelings have become cooties. You don't catch feelings, even if it is just chemistry, those are feelings. They were there all along. The process of falling in love can be blissful and easy but in a lot of cases detrimental and traumatic to someone who may be alone holding all those feelings. We have become a society where we just try on people for size. It's a sad lonely world and it gets even lonelier when you fill it with meaningless and time consuming sex. Sure I can get laid and enjoy it very much, that could go on for months. The problems begin when I need to cry or be held without someone's hand going into my pants then who do I call? We all get older and most never want to look that far in advance. No one wants to think they will end up alone when it is a very real probability too. I know men feel they are never too old, which always makes me laugh. They see themselves as these sexy beasts when in reality I can't find one close to my age who takes care of themselves but they all want a hot chick! I am just as bad and just as shallow but I do have an argument, I take care of myself and look very good for my age. In fact for the time being I am one of those hot chicks and I just want what I offer. It isn't that much to ask for. Thankfully right now I can't complain; I have an extremely good looking boyfriend with a rock hard body and in bed we make music. Of course, I do have one complaint, I wouldn't be me without one....he is 33. Yes I should be happy, a lot of women my age can't date a man who is 33. I mean really date him not just fuck him. We can all fuck 30 year olds. It takes a lot to actually date them, especially if you "catch feelings" its even harder. I like to trick myself into thinking we could be together forever and that this is it for me. He is almost all I want and no one is perfect. It's a beautiful thought but we all know it isn't the truth. I will give him up and one of us will get hurt and my quest will begin again. For the time I have remaining with my love I will enjoy it and absorb as much of him as I possibly can. I can carry him with me for years to come. I do this with all the men I care about that have been cast aside. I take all the good in them and hold them so close to me so the next man has to live up to, not one man, but many. Inevitably, I am making the perfect man. All I can hope for is the man I am making is close to his 45 Birthday or older, well taken care of and is looking for a 40+ sexy woman who he can "catch feelings" for. Sweep her off her feet and make her his. There I will be waiting, I just hope he doesn't want a hot, YOUNG chick but that blog is for another day.