Patience is a virtue?

Life is becoming too difficult for me to handle and I can handle anything except love. I think I am in love with the idea of being in love. In this world of choices I have chosen to live without it for many years. I thought I was miserable when in fact I was happier than most people. My new love is so perfect in so many ways I truly thought I was blessed. To have all your desires and wants granted, I thought it was a miracle. Three months later I need to retract that. If a person isn't willing to entrust their heart to you then why wait around? I learned this lesson. When it comes to love, I like to live in the now, trying to foresee anything further just complicates things....all you are left with is doubt. I do not like to be doubted or mistrusted. In fact it is an insult. I heard once that a woman should marry a man who loves her more than she loves him. Even a male friend of mine agreed. He said if he felt that way then he would be happy in his marriage which he never has been. I have had many men love me and sadly, their love was not returned. So if I can't find someone to love and love me back the same way should I give up on the prospect of love? This question is tormenting me. I don't mind being alone but the idea of dating and meeting man after man is excruciating. I don't want to do it again. I have always said I will be alone for the rest of my life. I was hoping I was being dramatic, turns out I am not. All my self analysis has done nothing but depress me. I was happy being the perpetual single friend. I was happier with being a mom and the loyal friend. I was happier dating the enamored younger men that were infatuated with me. Now I am the sad involved friend who feels lonelier than she did when she was single. I am grieving for my former life but I don't want to let my man go yet. Wouldn't that be giving up? Wouldn't I prove him right by leaving him so he can say "See I trusted her and she left me broken." With all my quips and my trusted annotations I can't help myself. I want to scream and throw a fit but I am way too reserved for that. I want to cry and hold myself in a dark room with covers over my head. I am way too egotistical for that. I have been nothing but honest with my man and so has he but he is jaded and he is damaged. I reap the punishment of his broken spirit made by another. I will not sit in judgment of things I have not done or sit in the shadow of someone else's wrong doing. I am distant now, which means this will be over soon. I can end this torment at anytime but I still hope for my miracle. I waited for this, I wanted this. He is who I summoned, who I created in my mind and he appeared. There is something to be said for patience; supposedly it is a virtue. I have no patience to hold onto but I will try and if I destroy my heart in the process at least I can say I had love and it was so beautiful it broke me.